Bought a Lie With My Excuses and Delusions...

I'm going to be honest, this topic is difficult for me to write about because it's a sensitive issue most people do not want to discuss. Having said this, it's a sensitive issue because Satan has mutated and twisted it's definition and purpose. Deep down we all know what the Bible says and that we should obey, but our fear and delusions cause of us to easily dismiss God commandments.

I spent some of my adult life knowing what I should do and making excuses on why not do it. I knew what the Bible said and I even taught others why the Bible commanded it, but I felt I did not have to apply these same principles to myself.

I was generous with my time and bought snacks for youth group kids and crayons for children's church. I donated items when there was a sign up sheet and volunteered weekly doing what good Christians do. I was so deep in my own excuses and delusions that I allowed Satan to convince me what I was doing was enough and God's commandments were for someone else. Someone who had more resources, someone more financially secure.

I robbed myself of the blessings God intended for my life and allowed my mind to be poisoned with lies and beliefs that God did not provide enough. I promised myself I would be faithful after I got my ducks in a row because I was afraid I would not have enough to live on and afraid of not being in control. I think deep down I believed God shouldn't have it because I had worked so hard to earn it, so I decided to choose how I would sacrifice instead of being obedient to what God commanded in His Word. Like a child who was asked to share her favorite treat, I would break off a tiny piece of the corner instead of giving what I knew was being asked and what was deserved.

Friends, I was wicked and sinful with my treasure and for years did not follow the commands of God as Satan lulled me into a false reality of who's treasure it was in the first place. To the world, we gave. We gave of our time and we bought snacks and materials for the ministry, but tithing was not something we were faithful to. The command to tithe was for someone else and we ignored God's design and calling for His people.

Through trials and financial pain, God showed us our wickedness. He showed us how sinful a life focused on fear and control can be. You see friends, I wanted to tithe but I told myself I would be a generous tither when I had more and was financially stable. I pushed the tithe into tomorrow but tomorrow never came because I never allowed God to transform how I view and spend the provisions He had provided. We bought the lies of the enemy and traded God's promise in Matthew 6 for cable TV and a Sonic drink allowance. It wasn't until we were seriously broken that Nick and I decided to try another path.

It was out of desperation that we began to give generously, not out of abundance. As we gave, we prayed God would forgive and change us. We claimed His promise to provide what we needed and we gave generously because holding unto what we had was not working. We always needed more, wanted more, or had something come up. Our focus was on taking care of ourselves instead of being obedient to what God commanded. 

God provides my friends and I can testify to His provision. I could tell you story after story of how God came through for us financially when we were in need. The provision God has shown my family has trickled into all aspects of my life. I trust God will provide, period. I don't worry so much about tomorrow because tomorrow will worry about itself and God loves me so much more than the birds of the air or the flowers in the field. He provides richly for His creation which does not worry, so how much more will He provide for what I need.

Dear friends God will provide, but when we fear tomorrow and control what is not ours to take, we become trapped in a cycle of never being satisfied or having enough. We thank God for what He gives and pray He will bless us with more, but at the same time we defy God's ways and do not give Him what He asks and deserves.

I can't tell you how liberating it is to lay down my treasures at His feet and allow Him to provide what we need. It is a constant struggle because Satan wants me to take back control and He always whispers reasons why I should not obey God's command to tithe but I stopped listening years ago. Nick and I generously give to the church and have for years. God has blessed us with a completely different outlook on our finances. We prayed He would transform our perspective on how we spend what He provides and by His grace and goodness, He has. It is a lot easier for us to tithe and meet the needs of others when we stop believing we are entitled to what God has given.

I still get scared when things are tight and the future financially uncertain, but I don't let that fear control how I manage what God has given. I'm faithful through the fear and sometimes it's sacrificially painful but I emotionally write the check because God always comes through. We've had to adjust how we live, and through these adjustments God has showed us a better more simplistic way to live. God's ways are best and He knows what He's doing. He doesn't need our treasure, but He knows what will happen to us if we hold on to it. Friends He wants us to be obedient in the tithe so He can give us a new perspective on what's truly important. What matters in life can't be purchased and like any good Father, God desires to love, provide, and care for His children. He wants us to rely on Him as a child relies on their parent.

Whether you are financially comfortable or living paycheck to paycheck and just getting by, if you focus on what you don't have and do not evaluate how you are spending what God has blessed you with, it is difficult to be a wise steward of what He has given. It's only when we evaluate how we use our time and treasure that God starts to transform our perception and how we handle what God provides.

I celebrate the lessons God taught us when we were broken and deep in debt and sin. God brought us out of our hardships and showed us what is truly important and the value in tithing and giving above and beyond our means. I celebrate the burden lifted when we acknowledged His Lordship over our earthly treasures. God freed us to be His children when we allowed Him take care of tomorrow while we focused on the joy and beauty of today.

God does not ask us to be obedient and tithe because He needs our money. He asks us to tithe because He knows the power sacrificial giving has on our hearts. He knows how far our hearts can turn from Him and His ways if we allow ourselves to adopt characteristics and responsibilities reserved for God and God alone. It's God's job to create and sustain His creation and when we rely on ourselves to provide for the future, we enter a power struggle with God. If we do not humble ourselves, our sin and greed take over to blind our gratitude and extinguish our servant's heart.

Celebrate God for what He has given. Generously give what you have and allow Christ to show you the blessings of being financially obedient to Him. Celebrate His design and purpose for His people and give Him thanks for all He has blessed us with. God is so good to us. Even in the darkest valleys, He is there providing a way. Thank you God for always providing even when things seem impossible you always come through. Show us the blessing given through obedience and help us to celebrate what You have given and who You are with giving back to You a portion of what You have provided.  

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
“The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are unhealthy, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!
“No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.



~Matthew 6: 19-34 

Honest and Vulnerable Once Again...

Here comes an honest and vulnerable blog my friends. God is laying this heavy on heart so I will be faithful and write, but this is not easy for me to admit. Trust me.

I live a crazy life and I love every minute of it, but I have a sin issue and its name is pride. Pride gives birth to some nasty character traits in my life such as my desire to control, jealousy, anger, and impatience. Traits that do not define me, but I will always wrestle with this side of heaven.

Last night Nick had a friend over for "bro time". It was my suggestion, I just didn't realize he was going to act so quickly on what I suggested. I honestly didn't care we had a visitor, but being the third wheel was a hard pill for my pride to swallow. Nick said I could hang out with them and I knew he meant it but that would have been awkward so I declined the invite and did what I do best when I am upset. I went to pout and sulk. They went outside and something inside me said "pray" but instead I chose to nurture my ill feelings and allow them to take me deep into my sin.

I never doubt Nick's love for me and I find my value in Christ, so my pride called on the twins to pay me a visit. Their names are Misunderstood and Unappreciated. They always come to play when I am unwilling to humbly surrender my pride and allow Christ to speak truth to my life through prayer and perspective. Misunderstood and Unappreciated paid me a visit and decided to spend the night in my mind when I chose to go to bed angry. God kept telling me to pray and I knew I should, so I prayed an apathetic, uninspired prayer that was quenched of Spirit or faith. I went through the motions and as I prayed, I rocked the twins and tucked them into bed in my mind feeling like a martyred wife who puts the needs of her husband before her own while her sacrifice is not recognized or appreciated.

I was falling asleep but woke up when Nick came in. He said he loved me and he hugged me and I could tell he wanted to talk to reconcile our differences. I told him I was fine and I was just tired. But, honestly, my pride and anger were holding unto me instead. I didn't want to talk so I tried to fall asleep and denied Nick any opportunity for conversation that would lead to reconciliation.

The next morning, I awoke and I couldn't really remember why this event made me so upset. It was pretty trivial, but the twins still lingered and began to awake in my mind as I started to get ready for my day. My pride would not allow me to communicate effectively and it also blinded me from seeing the blessings God had given, so I kept feeling misunderstood and unappreciated. I harbored those emotions and allowed the twins to rob me of the blessings given with a new day.

Nick could tell I was not myself and he apologized for not giving me a heads up on the "bro time". This made me feel even worse because his apology reminded me of my sin, so now I felt guilt on top of everything else. I needed to get gas and I had woke up late, so I hurried to get ready while Nick helped me get the kids ready and made my coffee. The guilt was becoming quite a load now because he is such a good husband and always tries to make my morning easier with lots of help and support.
As I drove, Stella was cranky and I was disappointed at Samantha for not finishing her homework. I was not patient or understanding with my children. Finally when things calmed down, we drove in silence and my mood kept getting worse and worse until I felt overwhelmed and desparate.

When I arrived to school, I was emotionally not ready to begin my day. How had things gotten so bad? Why did I allow the twins to take such trivial situations and magnify them into Def-con 5? How can I erase the last 14 hours and start over with a new perspective on my crazy life? As I sat and tried to collect myself, I heard the Spirit whisper... pray. I didn't want to, but in my sin and brokenness, I had no choice I needed to pray. I texted Nick and asked him to pray for me too and I did what I should have done the night before...

When I prayed, I humbled myself and repented of my sin, my pride. I acknowledged my wretchedness and complete dependance on Him for anything good. I asked God to take away my pride so I can understand others and appreciate what He has given me. I thanked Him for His grace and forgiveness. I thanked Him for my husband and my family and as I prayed my mood began to soften as perspective and grace began to nurture the thoughts in my mind. The twins disappeared and with their departure, I was able to see the deep love and understanding that is born when I am fully known by my Creator.

After I prayed, I looked at my phone and saw encouraging text messages from Nick and 6 other people. I texted Nick and asked if he had organized this text bombardment. He told me he had been praying for me all morning and he had texted no one. He did text me a prayer and this is what it said:
I'm praying that God would remind you of your value and worth and the eternal investments that you have made in people, starting with me, and our children and that can't be taken for granted or minimized. I love you and you are a difference maker in the lives of so many! Don't believe the lies of the deceiver. I love you!!! I thanked him for his prayers and told him how blessed I was to be married to him. I told him about the text messages and I praised God for answered prayers and marveled in His design and how He orchestrates everything good.

How good is our God friends! God is so good and in spite of my sin and pride, He loves me and reaches down and uses others to bless and encourage me. I should have listened to God last night my friends. When I heard the Spirit tell me to pray, I should have listened. When my pride began to surface, I should have humbly knelt down in repentance and prayed. I spewed so much pain and poison towards the ones I love, value, and appreciate because I chose to listen to the lies of the deceiver instead of listening to the voice of God. The remorse I have and natural consequences I must face for my pride and anger, all could have been avoided if I would have just prayed.

I am a wretched person apart from Christ and I don't have many good traits if not empowered by the Spirit. I'm so thankful God uses me not because I am worthy but because I am willing. I will always have a sin issue this side of heaven and I will need to humble myself, repent, and surrender to Him daily, hourly, and as often as possible to avoid the pain and consequences of my sinfulness. I hurt people when my pride and the twins pay me a visit. Nothing good happens when I am proud and refuse to yield control to the will of my Savior.

I celebrate today the cleansing power that comes from confession and repentance. I celebrate today His deep love for me and His ability to use others to encourage me when I am feeling misunderstood and unappreciated. I celebrate the game changing power of prayer and the huge blessing it is to have people who care praying for you. I celebrate each prayer warrior, each encouraging text message, and each willing heart who is in tune to the voice of God and listens when He calls them to action. Being vulnerable and confessing our sin is not an easy task but there is power in transparency and grace for those who call upon His name. May we all call upon others to help us in our brokenness so they may spur us on with grace and understanding as we celebrate all the goodness of God who transforms our hearts from the inside out. 

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.
~James 5:16