Celebrate the psycho mom in us all

My heart is telling me to celebrate but my brain just won’t listen. Do you ever feel like you are trying so hard to change how you perceive things? I woke up late this morning and rushed to get the kids ready for school. My intention was to let Nick sleep in but I guess one has trouble sleeping when your crazy wife is yelling through the apartment about brushing teeth and wearing socks. Nothing was going my way this morning. Between disappearing laundry, pee drama, and an investigation for a missing school bag I was ready for bedtime before I even ate breakfast. It was like my children were going at a snails pace and they had left their ability to think lying on their pillows as they struggled to do routine morning tasks. My children might need therapy after the images of psycho mom they saw this morning which left one crying and two scared to speak.

Apartment living for a family of six is very difficult. I try really hard to celebrate and find joy in our cozy living space. I want desperately to feel thankful to God 24/7 for providing me with what I have, but the truth is I find myself lately trying to force or fake a thankful heart as we cram into our tiny space exploded with laundry and dirty dishes. The realization that I’m not as thankful as I should be all the time makes me feel terrible and Satan latches onto me again whispering how I am terrible because I feel this way.

God has blessed me with 4 beautiful children, a loving husband, wonderful job, and amazing friends and family. I am blessed beyond belief and God has generously always provided what I need so why do I doubt his goodness and feel unthankful for the riches He has bestowed upon me??? 

It’s very easy friends, because I am human. Living this side of heaven I will always wrestle with the desires of my flesh telling me I need more, deserve more, and am entitled to get more. I will always fight for thanksgiving in hard circumstances because it is my natural humanness to long for what I don’t have and take for granted what I do. It is realizing I must lay down my desires for comfort, acceptance, and stability daily that truly jump starts the process of restoring a heart of thankfulness and celebration.

So as I daily surrender my disgruntled attitude and desires to mold the clay for the Master, I will find comfort in knowing God understands my humanness and has compassion for an uncontented broken record like myself. My sweet Stella reminds me He is faithful and good even when we don’t feel or see Him. His patience is unparalleled and His ability to understand what I truly need instead of what I think I need, leaves me wondering why I ever doubt His provision in the first place.

Even when my brain tells me I should be upset I will celebrate, because He should have been upset and instead He chose mercy. When I feel I deserve bigger and better I will celebrate, because I truly deserve worse and am owed nothing. My brain doesn't work sometimes and it tries to lead me astray but as I rock sweet Stella I am finding comfort in acknowledging this realization. I don't have to be held captive by my thoughts and feelings. I can find freedom in His promises and in my ability to lay my humanness at His feet for only He can transform my attitude and perspective. I must always remember where I have been and what He has led me through. I must never forget and always testify to the transformation process that occurs when Christ moves in and is allowed to mold me into something beautiful. 

Psycho mom pays a visit when my brain is not working and regret always follows after her departure. I celebrate she is inside me for she reminds me of my need for a Savior. As I turn my eyes towards Jesus and allow Him to transform my attitude, I must pray this prayer daily and not rely on my brain to work in the heat of the moment but rely on Him and His promises to calm and cure my sullenness.

Lord, please do not allow me to be lead astray in the heat of the moment when my humanness is strong and my flesh weak. Please help me to find ways to remember there is freedom from a disgruntled attitude if I choose to put my life into perspective and celebrate. Give me eyes to see the situation I am in for what it truly is. Cultivate a heart of thanksgiving inside me and surround me with thankful people to brighten my day and lift my spirits. Forgive me when I forget and help me use my weakness to point others toward your greatness. 

I'm going to take a deep breath, pray, and put my life into perspective. After all, there is a psycho mom inside us all ready to visit, hurt, and destroy the relationships in our lives. She shows up fast and is hard to contain. Her visit leaves a terrible mess to clean up and she is always remembered with shame and regret. I celebrate my Savior who can cure the psycho mom in us all if we choose to gain perspective and remember what's important even when our brain is not working.

You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
~ Ephesians 4: 22-24