8:24AM...

I woke up this morning as the sun was shining through my window. I rolled over and tried to fall back asleep, but could not seem to shade my face enough to creep comfortably back to my dreams. As the birds chirped, the realization I must be coherent was forced upon me so I rolled over to grab my phone and look at what time is was. 

8:24AM... 
The house was asleep, with kids who stayed up late watching movies and playing video games. I got up and looked in on Stella as she snored loudly and lay peacefully dreaming about whatever babies dream. Stella is a morning girl. She always greets me with smiles and laughter when I pick her up out of her crib each morning. 

8:24AM... 
Memories flooded my mind about experiences past and the road God chose for me to travel 1 year ago today. Peace was hard to find that morning as anxiety, guilt, and fear waged war in my soul to drag me into despair and deep depression. 

A year ago today Nick and I drove faster than I want to admit to get to Children's Mercy to meet Stella who had arrived by Med-flight. Her lungs were not working properly and the last memory I had of my precious child was her erratic breathing as she struggled to draw breath. Her small body was tired and limp, there was no smile that morning on her beautiful face and no laughter in my heart. 

She was intubated and quickly assessed before her departure and my mind could not wrap around this reality. This could not be happening, this could not be happening....

8:24AM... 

We arrived at Children's Mercy around this time trying to make our way to see Stella. We did not know if she was alright and I was in shock and panic, but Nick was strong and composed for us both so I drew strength from him. My body had not recovered, so Nick pushed me in a wheel chair from place to place. The staff was attentive and kind, and took us directly to Stella's bedside. Everything seemed hazy that day; surreal and impossible. This couldn't be happening...

As I watched a machine breath for her slowly, and saw all the tubes and machines working for her, my reality that morning was not peaceful it was uncertain filled with fear and anxiety. I couldn't hold her. I couldn't rock her. I could just stroke her soft skin and wait. I could do nothing else.

8:24AM...

Now, a year later, who would have thought the reality I could not wrap my head around then, would be the catalyst for a future of daily celebration even when life seems hazy and impossible. 

As I drove to the ICN that morning, God was with me. I might not of felt the presence of a third party or recognized His arms carrying me at first, but as I cried and came to grips with reality of my situation, I had no other arms to run to. No one else could handle the massive weight of my situation. This was too big for me to handle without Him. 

Through this journey I trained myself to look for the good in all circumstances and silence the world's cries to despair was I tuned my ears only to the promises of God. 

I will be with you...
I will work out everything for the good of those who love and trust me...
If you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you can move mountains....
Come to me all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest...
Look at the Lilies of the field. They do not labor or spin, yet I tell you Solomon in all his splendor was not as beautiful as these. If God takes care of the Lilies which are here today and gone tomorrow, how much more will He take care of you? So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself...

God's promises. God's love. God's strength. As I relied on His qualities and blocked out the noise, I found a life of celebration when I was surrounded by despair. 

I look at sweet Stella a year later with her chubby cheeks and rolls. Making faces, and blowing bubbles with her spit as she laughs and smiles at whoever she meets. Her sweet disposition lights up as room. 

You could not look at her today and guess she had such humble beginnings but God had a purpose for the road we traveled together. A road that was uncertain to me, but not to Him. The lessons I have learned and the deep love and provision I experienced on this road, have molded me and refined me by His grace and goodness. 





Stella reminds me to stop and celebrate. In all circumstances in all situations, stop and celebrate. I am blessed to celebrate with Stella daily. Blessed to have this sweet girl in my life. I cannot help but celebrate no matter what comes my way, because I have personally experienced God's provision during the darkest moments when things were uncertain and not in my control. I don't just know He is good, I have felt His goodness and mercy when I needed it most. 

I know our world is mutated because of sin, but this side of heaven I do not understand why some things happen to some and not others. I don't understand why some prayers are answered how we want them to be, and while some seemingly go unanswered. I do not understand why some are born into love and stability and others are born into fear and abuse. I do not know why some are provided with food while others around the world go hungry. The world is full of injustices crying out for God to make wrongs right. I do not understand dear friends but what I understand I share with you a year later. 

In all circumstances and situations celebrate. No matter what trial life throws your way, stop and celebrate. It is when we celebrate even the smallest things that God brings us perspective and peace. It is when we allow God to show us what we have to be thankful for, that we experience true joy which is not attached to our current situation. Celebration is a defensive tool our hearts use to block fear and despair. Celebrate the sun shining in your window or the breath you just took so easily without even thinking. Breathing is something I celebrate often because it did not come so easily for Stella in the beginning. Celebrate the piles of laundry, stacks of dishes, and explosion of toys for they were made by little hands and feet that are precious to God. Celebrate what He provides to give your heart perspective on how truly blessed you are. Celebrate... celebrate.

8:24AM... 
Every action has a reaction. We can react with joy and celebration to ward off our fears and allow God's perspective and strength into our lives; or we can react with fear, anxiety, and hopelessness which pulls us down into darkness and blocks all things good from our sight. 

I don't know what road you travel or what uncertainty lie ahead. I don't know what hurt runs deep within you or what failures lie behind you. I'm not sure about the who, what, when, where, whys and hows of your life but I do know God does and He's loved you through all of it. He loved you then and He loves you now. He can and will give you what you need to handle what you are going through. He is and will always be gracious and good. 

8:24AM... 
I started a journey of consciously seeking celebration in my life. Celebrating in all circumstances and allowing God to charge my desperation into celebration. 

Happy Birthday my sweet Stella. 

Your life inspires me to smile easier and laugh more often. I'm blessed to be your mom and you taught me to take time each day and celebrate. 

May God continue to mold and shape our family as we seek His ways and remember His promises. 

I will be with you...

My mercies are new each morning...

I am the Beginning and the End...

I will wipe every tear from your eyes...

I am coming again...

My grace is made perfect in your weakness...


I made a choice to choose joy and celebrate.

What will your choice be?