The Bonus Sugar Rush Memories...

Have you ever had that feeling of panic? That moment when you realize you have lost something that is precious to you? As we drove to Saint Louis this past Sunday panic and loss flooded my mind when I realized I had left something very important to me behind at home. How wilI survive this trip? What if it needs me and I'm not there? How will I be able to enjoy myself without it? These questions plagued my thoughts and sadly I felt as if a piece of me was left behind. My husband refused to turn around, we were too far into our journey and he said it would be ok. I was angry at myself for forgetting it and saddened we would be apart. You would think I forgot a small child, but not no. I forgot my cell phone. 

It's funny how attached I am. Almost held hostage by it. It's the first thing that captures my attention in the morning and the last thing I tuck in at night. We share a lot of memories together and with this device I capture great "candids" of my family and pose them just perfectly for Facebook. I collage and create memories sometimes forgetting to enjoy the moment and memory itself. I take video of my kids playing soccer and watch through the screen of my phone when they score the winning goal. I considerately answer emails and respond to text messages quickly so I sometimes zone in and out of the conversation going on around me. I post witty comments on Facebook, text a buddy in need, and go years without hearing the voice of some I interact with regularly. I read books, articles, the bible, and have all the information I need ready for me in a Google search so I don't really need to go to a library and explore, search, and seek like I did as a child. I use this device for everything and it holds thousands of pictures, videos, conversations, and contacts that are precious to me. 

Truth is, my phone is a part of me and without it I can't capture memories and video of fun things that will happen on our trip. I can't tweet the crazy things Lily says and I can't look at my newsfeed when I'm waiting for dinner at the restaurant. I thought my phone allowed me to experience so many things and archive so many memories but after spending some time apart, I became aware I have a problem. In my desire to share and store memories, I miss the moment right in front of me completely. It was as if the world was fuzzy and I put on a new pair of glasses. I saw the memories and lived th moment partially before as my desire to archive and share cut the moment short and robbed me of the opportunity for what would happen next. 

When I was a kid we would get this orange cone shaped ice cream from the ice cream man and at the bottom of each cone was a gum ball. I was so excited that after I finished my sweet treat, I would get a bonus sugar rush. I think sometimes we are so excited about the sweet memories we are making that we quickly have to capture, edit, and create them so we can tweet, share or Instagram for all to see. We cut the moment short and we miss out on the bonus sugar rush that naturally follows the memory where we would have an opportunity to encourage or a face to face interaction that could make a difference. 

So dear friends I'm going to try hard to not cut the moment short and archive less memories. I might not have as many candid pictures, but I do have parking passes and souvenir cups that take my mind back to the moments I will treasure from our family trip. I am going to make every attempt to be in every conversation fully, every moment entirely, and let every person I interact with face to face know they matter more than my mobile device. 

My phone has held me hostage and I feel like I have missed a lot of opportunities and cut memories short in my life. I'm thankful I left it at home and thankful I have new perspective on how to balance my life. My cell phone is a valuable resource to me, but my addiction to its utilities can rob me of seeing things with my own eyes, fully listening to a conversation, and allowing my children to be the last ones I tuck in at night. 

May we all seek balance and prioritize what's truly important in life as we celebrate each unique moment everyday for its possibilities. May we see the world clearly with our own eyes and not settle for watching our children's accomplishments on the screen of our chosen device. May we love each moment to its fullest and be present for the bonus sugar rush that inevitably follows each sweet memory. 

Thank you Father for all the moments you give and memories you allow me to make. I will value them more than I value my status update. 

Goodbyes

I've never really liked goodbyes. Mostly because I'm not good at them. I guess I don't see the friendship ending because we are apart. We may not talk everyday but I think we can pick up where we left off next time we meet. Goodbye seems so permanent, so final. I'm just not comfortable with that.

God doesn't like goodbyes either. God is relational and He loves us so much that the thought of saying goodbye to us drove Him to sacrifice His son and pay the ultimate price so He would never have to say goodbye to us again. He longs for a loving lasting relationship with us. Even when we do not see Him, He is there in our hearts pouring out new mercy and blessings each day. 

If you stray from Him or loose your way, He longs to pick back up where you left off and build a relationship that is real, one that is lasting. He doesn't care about your past, He only cares about your willingness to embrace His love and surrender to His grace and mercy. 

Dear friends goodbyes are difficult and when friends come and go it can be very hard to understand. It might seem easier to shut the world out and guard your heart so no one gets too close. We fool ourselves into believing we are protected from hurt and loss but in all actuality we are welcoming in loneliness and shallow, superficial relationships. If we don't allow people in and build relationships with those God has blessed us with, we are missing out on the beauty and joy of intimately being known. You see friends we were designed to share life, designed for community. It's part of humanity and if we disengage from others, it's denying our souls the nourishment needed to be healthy.

So step out of your comfort zone. Make a new friend. Take a risk and get to know someone outside your circle. The friendship may change as times passes on or they may move away but that does not mean it's extinguished and the memories and moments you shared can never be taken away.

Goodbyes are difficult. I don't like them and I'm not very good at them, but I take comfort in knowing my Savior will never leave. It's not in His nature to walk out or abandon us. His love is too deep and His character so perfect. He made a promise to never leave or forsake us and He always keeps His promises. 

God will never say "goodbye"... only "welcome home". 

What's on my heart. You are welcome to read.

Do you ever wonder why you are the way your are?
I mean really... Who am I?

There are days when I wake up and live this crazy life God has blessed me with and I'm I don't give it much thought. But then there are days when I wake up and wonder why I'm created the way I am. I wonder what my purpose is and why we're not like other families. 

Am I doing this something wrong? Do I need to change? Should I be more like everyone else? 

Who am I and why does my life look the way it does???

Friends if you are like me and wonder why God created you different than other moms, you are not alone. 

Through God's grace I'm realizing this crazy life God has blessed me with is made to look unique and different to point to Him and to give Him glory. The crazy causes people to ask questions. Questions that lead to conversation and conversation that leads to transformation.

No one cares who you are until they know how much you truly care and until you live life with a crazy love for others, nothing you do will make an eternal difference. 

So who am I???

I'm a mom living life to give God glory in everything I do. I'm a mom who takes every opportunity to love the broken and take care of those in need. I'm the mom who cooks dinner for 30 people and allows the neighborhood to jump on the family trampoline. If you need a ride, happy to help. If you bring a friend with you for dinner, that's fine with me. I don't need a lot of warning and if you come over for dinner, expect 5 or 6 people you have never met to share a table with you. I'm a someone who loves to laugh and share life with people who like to be real. You can count on me to mess up but I know my mess ups do not define who I am. I'm forgiven, loved and valued. I'm not alone and never will be because I'm apart of an eternal family.

So why do I spend my life cooking and assimilating anyone into our family who needs a home? Because God gave me one. He gave me a home when I was a stranger and He loved me when no one else did. He saw value in who I am and so I see value in all He creates. They may never know Christ but they can see Him lived in me and that's about all I can do. It's my job to love no strings attached, so that's how I try to live. I live my crazy life everyday focused on one purpose.... loving others as Christ has loved me. 

Who am I???

I'm me. And as I live my crazy life I'm becoming more confident and ok with that. I don't need to be perfect because perfection is hard to relate to. I just need to be me and those that cross my path understand they always have home. They always have a friend. They always have someone praying for them. And as time passes on, and people come and go, we may not talk often but our lives will forever be intertwined because when you come to my house, you know the door is always open and there is always room at the table for one more.