Reflecting on the past while I worship in the present

There are defining characteristics that set us apart from other animals like our ability to worship. The Bible talks about how the heavens cry out there is a God and nature is a testimony of the Divine Creator but we are God's only creation that chooses worship. When you explore nature and discover the beauty and majesty of chiseled rock formations or the crisp salty smell of ocean waves crashing as the tide comes in to wash the cool sticky sand off your feet. I think of when I saw sweet Stella for the first time, 5 weeks after conception, no heart beat just an egg. To watch her grow month to month and see her form from a few cells into this precious baby who not only eats and breaths but dreams and laughs. From the moment she was alert, she had personality and she possessed the ability to love and to feel love, not because of anything she had willed but because she was intentionally designed. When I contemplate the complexity of life forming and the vastness of outer space, I can't help but accept there is a Divine Creator.

Creation was designed to draw us closer to God and to affirm His existence. The magnitude and intricacy of creation testifies to His abilities. Our Father in His goodness gave us a small taste of what He can do so humanity would drawn closer to Him and know His power, feel His love and celebrate His glory. Creation does not have a choice, it was designed and created to sing out and worship Him always. But, God in His desire to be loved, gave mankind a choice. We can choose to worship Him or to allow ourselves not to acknowledge His power, not feel His love, and to justify His glory as a random event so we may dismiss the possibility that He deserves to be worshiped.

I am often drawn to tears when I truly reflect and worship my Creator. I think it's because I'm pretty much an open book anyways so the emotions of gratitude, desperation, thankfulness, and joy lie close to the surface. When I choose to dwell in His presence and worship, I am undone. I can't help but express in some way what is going on inside me when I am reminded of His abounding grace, mercy, and provision. To reminisce and be drawn back to memories where I felt so alone and to in hind sight see God's hand in the midst of my pain. Like a master craftsmen he molded me and refined me. He distorted my spirit and broke down my humanness so that I could fully rely on Him and be a piece of art made for a purpose that He designed just for me. 

As I look back on my life and the journey I allowed myself to take with Him, I cannot help but be moved to a place of worship in His presence. Choosing worship when the reality that He deserves to be worship is acknowledged makes me feel complete. God in His wisdom knew mankind would always long for purpose and we would innately crave something more, bigger, and better. Satan deceives us into believing we crave things we can obtain like relationships, drugs or careers. We chase bigger and better and the harder we chase the more we need and the more broken we become. When the answer is and always been not a chase but a stop and surrender. Surrender to His goodness and love so He can fill the longing of our heart and quench the cravings we possess through His mercy and grace. 

As I write this and reflect on my journey with sweet Stella I cannot help but be in awe of God and His goodness. In awe of how He can take the worst experiences of life and transform them into memories that do not inflict pain but instead comfort and joy. My heart is filled with thankfulness as I remember the person I was, broken, weak, and inadequate. But as God molds and refines me I become focused more on what He has and less on my deficiencies.

As I rock sweet Stella tonight I celebrate a God who is worthy or my praise. A God who sought me out and loves me in spite of my faults. A God who never weighed my inadequacies but instead took them from me while He hung on a cross. I marvel at His power, experience the depth of His love, and celebrate Him as I worship. May we all experience Him in a real and intimate way as we live this crazy life together in reckless abandon thanks to the blood of our Divine Creator.

For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
~Psalm 139: 13,14