I didn't know what that really meant when I said "I do". I didn't realize how sacrificial and all consuming the role of wife truly is. To strive to say yes to whatever he asks and do whatever he needs me to do. To be there for him no matter what. His confidant, best friends, main support, only love and safe haven. To be the one he can always turn to knowing that no matter what happens the commitment we have to one another will always out way the mistakes we make so he can always find true love and forgiveness in our marriage. I accept him for who he is and I strive to support him in whatever God calls him to do. When God calls him to go, I faithfully follow. When God calls him to minister, I serve along side him. I am his number one support in all aspects of life. My role on this earth is to be his #1 in everything as we seek to glorify God in our marriage and relationships.
Does this mean I'm always there when he needs me? Yes it does. Does this mean I think of him first and put his needs before my own? Yes it does. Does this mean he comes before my kids, family, other relationships, and all aspects of my life? Yes it does.
I know it sounds extreme, but no one forced me to be his wife, I chose to be. When I made this choice, I chose to live for him the same way I chose to be the church and live for Christ. In the new testament when marriage is discussed, it is correlated to the relationship Christ has with the church. Ephesians 4 has a beautiful picture of what God intended marriage to be.
21 Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another.
22-24 Wives,
understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for
Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does
to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the
church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should
likewise submit to their husbands.25-28 Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage.
29-33 No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That’s how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become “one flesh.” This is a huge mystery, and I don’t pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.
~Ephesians 4: 21-33
When I said yes, I chose a life of submission to my husband. I chose to understand and support him and leave behind all other relationships and depend upon him only. I chose to treat my husband as I would treat Christ. Serve him fully and be devoted to him only. I will answer when he calls and sacrifice my desires for him. When I made the choice to be his wife, my main role in our marriage became to surrender my will to him just as I surrendered my will to Christ on the day I became a Christian.
This act of surrender does not mean I am not valuable or mistreated. On the contrary, I am priceless to my husband. By surrendering to my will to him as the church surrenders to Christ, my husband is called to love me as Christ loves the church. When he said "I do", he chose to sacrifice all he is for me. He provides for me and pampers me. He values my opinion and finds joy in my companionship. He loves himself by loving me. When I am hurt, he hurts. When I feel pain, so does he. His main role in our marriage is to devote himself to me in every way and love me the way Christ loves me with an all consuming sacrificial love. I chose to surrender. He chose to sacrifice.
This concept of marriage though is not found often in our culture even in Christian circles. This call to fully surrender and say yes when he asks is rarely fully embraced. Yes we say our husband's are first, but our actions prove his worth falls much lower down on the list. Our culture desires to surrender when it is convenient or when we feel like it. We surrender what is leftover after our kids, friends, careers, and family take what they want first. Our good intentions to serve our children and the ones we love can leave our husbands feeling last on our list of priorities. But the Bible is very clear, we are to love him like we love Christ. Do we surrender to our husbands in this way?
I celebrate today my choice to say "I do". I celebrate the day I became his wife and he became my husband. I celebrate the Biblical design of marriage and the imagery of how we are to love one another as Christ loves the church. I celebrate his choice to sacrifice and lovingly devote himself to me as I willingly surrender everything I am to him. We are one, and our lives cannot be separated we are utterly dependent upon each other. He brings out the best in me and I stand strongly beside him so he can lead with confidence and support. I chose this path and this identity. I chose to surrender and be his wife. I chose to be servant to Christ first, then to my husband. I said, "I do" and so I must surrender.
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