Take a deep breath and breathe...

July 3^rd

Stella Update: Our little nugget has had another amazing day! During rounds this morning they decided to take her off of all oxygen support so she is 100% breathing on her own! She is grasping how to suck and swallow at the same time and has had numerous bottles with no problems. It seems the poop never stops flowing so hopefully her bilirubin count will be down in the morning. We are so close to discharge but they need to monitor her progress a little longer. Thanks for the continued prayers. Your love and support mean the world to us.

I want the best for my children. And, like all parents, I think my kids are pretty gifted and capable of amazing things. Stella needs to accomplish 3 tasks before we can leave. She needs to breath, eat, and poop on her own with no support. She is doing very well on all of them but not well enough for us to be discharged yet. 

The nurses say she needs time, her body is not strong enough and she doesn't have enough stamina. Today we decided to push her a little harder and work on her feedings. She was in a milk coma most of the day and she slept a lot but we kept pushing her and I knew my baby girl was up for the challenge. Tonight during her 9 pm feeding she was very lethargic and sleepy. I was determined we could do this and I know she can bottle feed we've done it before she just needed to wake up. So I rubbed her soft skin and patted her gently on the back to stimulate her to eat. Then I started to feed her again and she began to choke on her milk. She gasped for air as I rubbed her back and her monitors began to beep. She caught her breath and her chest panted deeply from exhaustion. The nurse said she was ok just very tired from the events of the day. She reminded me Stella is only a week old and she just needs time to build up her strength. I told the nurse to give Stella the rest of her milk through her feeding tube so that she could rest. 

As I rocked her I realized something, I was pushing her too hard. My intentions are good and I love her to pieces but this has to be at her pace and not mine. She needs time to catch her breath and I need to be patient enough to give that gift to her. How often do we as parents push our children too hard. Sure we want what's best for them but are the things we want really the best for them, or are they best for us. Do we give our kids time to breath and enjoy the journey that comes with growth, or do we push them to conform to our time so they are mentally and physically exhausted. I was reminded tonight that sometimes I need to take a step back and say, I love you enough to go at your pace. Take a deep breath and breathe.

Kids today are over scheduled. From dance practice, piano lessons, basketball camp, and swim teams our kids have something scheduled almost every night. The beginning of the summer, my three oldest children played baseball and soccer. By the middle of June, I had a ball game Monday-Friday and multiple games two nights a week. It was difficult to keep up! I felt like all I ever did was drive from ball field to ball field. As I watched my children play ball, I noticed other parents. Some would cheer for their children. Others were there and more interested in their smart phone than their child.

A third kind of parent would emerge at some games. A child would step up to the plate and you would hear a dad yell directions on how to hit the ball or field. When the child succeeded, the parent marveled in their success and relived days past or dreams that were crushed long ago. But when the child missed a pitch, struck out, or dropped the ball another side would emerge. There would be no love or pride in their tone when they rebuked and belittled their child. No compassion or second chances came. The emotional scars these children felt were apparent on their faces and their feet would never be big enough to fill the shoes their parents had given them.

Whether it is with sports, academics, music, or social status we make shoes for our children to fill and expect them fit. They try their best to walk the path laid out before them in the shoes they must fill, but just like a toddler wearing her mother’s high heals, they stumble and fumble in shoes far too big to bring them security and ease. The shoes were always too big and the path daunting and not obtainable. We sometimes set our kids up to fail with unobtainable expectations before the first pitch was ever thrown.

My prayer for all of us is that we choose shoes for our children that are designed to showcase their strengths and give them security in their weaknesses. Shoes that take them to great heights but also give them comfort when they fall. God the Father to use for Him and His glory has given us all gifts and strengths that showcase our uniqueness and His design. May the shoes we choose give them the ability to discover their God given talent and may we have the wisdom to show them love and support as journey a path of celebration and restoration.